Envy versus Sympathy
It stuck me yesterday that I think very different than a lot of my friends. Meeting up for lunch they were conversing about the various expenses they had made or was planning on making.
One just leased a 2009 BMW 328i for $680/month and $3,000 down. Another is planning on travelling to Paris the third time around and will probably spend at least $5,000 + $1,500 airfare. A couple just got back from Hong Kong and bought suitcases full of clothes and ate at the finest restaurants spending about $3,000 each over a two week period, not including the $1,000 round-trip airfare. Another couple has already booked cruises to Alaska ($1,000 per person) as well as trips throughout Asia (China, Bangkok, Hong Kong, etc… for $3,000 per person). And these are all people that make from $40,000 to $60,000 of gross income a year.
On top of that, everybody was discussing what we should all do as a group for the upcoming weekends and holidays such as Fourth of July. Suggestions of hitting up Vegas, driving up to Santa Barbara for wine tasting, and going to the Santa Monica pier were all thrown in.
Is it strange that all the while they were talking about what they spent I didn’t feel any envy but only sympathy? I know that many people feel envious when other people are able to drive flashy cars or go on luxerious trips. But all I could think was “Wow that must have been expensive, I wonder how much that set him/her back?” Rather, I feel that I am lucky because I have the money to go do all those things but I have saved and invested it instead.
I start doing little calculations in my head of how much time it would take to save up that amount of cash and relevantly how fast would it get expended, along with the opportunity cost of spending that money (eg. Assuming my net worth increases about 3,000 per month then if I decided to take a $3,000 trip, I would blow a month’s worth of savings on one trip. That does seem alright until you take into account that there are only 12 months in a year and thus I can only accumulate that amount of money 12 times a year. So I don’t want to blow one month’s savings that easily.)
Maybe it’s just a different mindset. Instead of enjoying life/spending money and living paycheck to paycheck, my goal is to save money so that I can retire early. I calculate and update my net worth monthly, I try to keep track of my weekend expenses, and I read as much financial/motivational books that my noggin can absorb. I believe that I still enjoy life, but in relatively smaller and more simplistic doses.
I rather take a road trip across state lines than fly somewhere exotic. I rather wear out my three-year-old Adidas than purchase the newest pair of Nikes. I rather clunk along in my eight-year-old Toyota than buy a high-end Lexus or Mercedes-Benz. Although… I will admit that food is my single weakness.
I don’t feel envy in hearing about other people spending money but rather feel sympathy of when will they be able to escape from the proverbial rat race. I get peace of mind from not accruing more debt, acquiring more assets, and creating/saving streams of income. I am happy to focus my energies in reaching my goal of retiring by 35.
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It is a different mindset. Normal people are heavily discounting their future to the tune of 20% or more. I would say it’s not only different in degree, it’s different in kind as well. I meet quite a few people who think that spending money is the only way to happiness and so one’s expense level is believed to be a direct measure one’s level of comfort and satisfaction.
These people want to be rich, not wealthy. They want stuff, not control. I’m not so sure I feel sympathy as much as frustration. To me it’s somewhat analogous to a abusive relationship where the abused party stays because of love despite the violence or maybe it’s more like an addiction. In the beginning I feel sympathy, but when someone refuses to see the problem, eventually I just don’t care, cest la vie.
I’ve also met a number of people that believe spending money equates happiness. But it just stresses me out, giving me the opposite effect. I suppose it all just comes down to different goals in life. If you live just for the moment then you throw caution to the wind and don’t plan for the future. But if your focus and goal is about attain financial freedom for the future then all the actions you take you will think about their implications in your road to becoming wealthy.